found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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