You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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