i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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