Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
