It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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