party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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