HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
