Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
