Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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