i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
