i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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