it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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