"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
