My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just found a bag of teeth...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
