There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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