Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
