Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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