She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
