you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
