I smell stomach acid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
