The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
