just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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