I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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