that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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