So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
