he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize