Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
