I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
