things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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