Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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