Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
