I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
