end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
