yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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