i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
