just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
