There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
