dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
