I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
