I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
