I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
