FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just made my gag reflex go away.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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