dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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