its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Church boner. Awkwardddd
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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