She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
