Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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