Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
