I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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