I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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