Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
