My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
