no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
