I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
