we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
