I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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