She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
