the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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