It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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