But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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