I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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