She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
