I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
