Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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