We're facebook friends in real life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
