Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
