i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
