Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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