I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
