So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
