At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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