I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
