I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize