Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
