i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
