So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
