girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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