You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
