make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
