Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize