I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm having to shit out rocks
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
