will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
