My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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