Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
