O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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