i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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