Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
