dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
