Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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