I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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