there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
