Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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