I'm so fucking centered right now
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
