No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
