All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
