How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
