Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
