Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
