She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize