I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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