thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
