that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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