My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
