I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
