Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
